What is Anxious Attachment?

The Science

Nearly half of people have an insecure attachment style.

  • Research spanning decades shows us how insecure attachment plays out in adulthood.

    Insecure attachment styles are linked to higher levels of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Approximately 40% of the general population is thought to have an insecure attachment style. Addressing attachment issues has been shown to dramatically improve a wide variety of mental health outcomes.

The Psychology

Attachment styles typically form during childhood.

  • Children of authoritarian parents are discouraged from fully expressing their thoughts and feelings in childhood.

    Authoritarian parents can be highly demanding but not responsive. They enforce strict rules and expect obedience without question. There is little room for open dialogue or consideration of the child's feelings or opinions.

    Impact on Attachment: This parenting style can lead to anxious or avoidant attachment styles. Children may feel undervalued and overly controlled, leading to anxiety or a tendency to avoid closeness to protect themselves from criticism.

  • Sometimes also called absent parenting or neglectful parenting. Uninvolved parents are neither responsive nor demanding. They provide minimal attention, support, or guidance to their children. Basic needs might be met, but emotional involvement is low.

    Impact on Attachment: This style often results in disorganized or insecure attachment. Children may feel neglected and abandoned, leading to severe trust issues and difficulties in forming healthy relationships.

  • Description: Permissive parents are responsive but not demanding. They are lenient, avoid confrontation, and often act more like a friend than a parent. Rules are few and inconsistently enforced.

    Impact on Attachment: This style can contribute to insecure attachment. Children may struggle with self-discipline and self-control, leading to anxious attachment as they seek boundaries and security.

The Biology

Insecure attachment can have effects on the body.

  • Trauma is not an absolute scale. When the body processes trauma it reconfigures itself.

    It has to do with the way that our nervous systems respond to fear.

    Life is full of fears and events that we don't always get adequate support or time to recover from.

    When our bodies process these experiences it changes the way we react to things that cause us discomfort. This pattern follows us into adulthood.

  • Insecure attachment can lead to poor emotional regulation, causing us to experience intense and prolonged negative emotions. These emotional difficulties can result in unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, overeating, or love addiction.

    Unhealthy coping behaviors can increase the risk of obesity, hypertension, gastrointestinal issues, and metabolic syndrome. Additionally, poor emotional regulation is linked to higher levels of inflammation and oxidative stress, both of which contribute to a variety of physical ailments (Psychology Today) (Nancy Levin).

  • Insecure attachment may contribute to unhealthy coping behaviors which compromise health. Often this includes poor diet, inadequate sleep, smoking, and lack of exercise.

    These behaviors increase the risk of developing chronic diseases, such as heart disease, respiratory illnesses, and certain cancers. Additionally, inadequate sleep and poor nutrition can further exacerbate stress and emotional dysregulation, creating a vicious cycle of poor health (Ruby Warrington) (Nancy Levin).

  • Insecure attachment can cause us to experience chronic stress due to heightened anxiety and difficulties in forming stable relationships. This chronic stress activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to prolonged release of cortisol, a stress hormone.

    Elevated cortisol levels over time can suppress immune function, increase inflammation, and contribute to the development of cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, and other chronic conditions (Psychology Today) (PsyPost - Psychology News).

  • Emotional and psychological distress can manifest as physical symptoms. People with insecure attachment often report higher levels of psychosomatic complaints, such as headaches, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal problems.

    Chronic psychosomatic symptoms can lead to us to constantly seek medical treatment and enjoy generally poorer overall physical health. These symptoms are often exacerbated by the individual's heightened sensitivity to stress and their difficulties in seeking appropriate medical care due to trust issues (Nancy Levin).

Can you relate?

Anxious attachment can change the way we see ourselves.

  • Do you feel less secure in your relationships than your friends or partners ?

  • Do you feel like you must pretend to be something in order to be loveable ?

  • Do you feel unappreciated or unwanted in your relationships ?

  • Do you have a hard time trusting ?

You are not alone.

The Power of Community:

The Love Addicts community is a place to heal. Each of us are on our own healing journeys, and we share our wins and our lessons together.

  • You’ll meet people who share freely and offer you support as you navigate your own journey.

  • When you join the community you will learn and grow, and you will help others to do this as well.

  • Very powerful things happen when we see our own experience is remarkably similar to our friends and peers.

  • The community is always there for you, 24 hours a day.